if mr rogers were fuelled exclusively by guilt (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
highercalling) wrote2015-07-19 08:10 pm
highercalling) wrote2015-07-19 08:10 pm
APPLICATION;
do you have a place for me?
it's what i wanted since i was a boy
now it's more than ever
now i need that love
it's what i wanted since i was a boy
now it's more than ever
now i need that love
GENERAL
Name: Dustin Francis Espinosa
Nickname(s): He'd rather you didn't.
Gender/Pronouns: Male; he/him
Birthdate/Age: November 21st | 17 years old
Grade: Senior
Sexuality: Presumedly heterosexual
Major Arcana: The Hanged Man (XII)
Minor Arcana: Cups
Concept: Die-hard do-gooder determined to heed the call at any cost.
APPEARANCE
| Height: | 5' 10" | Hair Color: | Black |
| Build: | Solid | Eye Color: | Brown |
Still, you couldn't exactly say he was easily overlooked. Even just sitting quietly, Dustin tends to attract attention, not because of his appearance, but because he seems to be nurturing a little nugget of... whatever it is you call the teenage version of gravitas. For some reason, people look to him. (Big mistake.)
PB: Brandon Perea
PERSONALITY
Likes: Sunrise, birds, post-workout ouches, taking pride in his work, the first five minutes after confession, swimming, nectarines, potato chips, blisters, Baz Luhrmann's "Romeo + Juliet," confidence, heroism, integrity, kindness, his little potted plants, when people draw saints all young and sexy
Dislikes: Running, 2 am feelings, being touched unexpectedly, dressing up for special occasions, the taste of coffee, cilantro, large crowds, hot weather, moral relativism, laziness, indifference, being unable to ameliorate the suffering of others, when people draw saints all young and sexy
The people in his home parish insist it on the semi-regular — in part because of his family's story, and in part because they’ve watched Dustin grow from a wide-eyed boy to a earnest, charismatic young man. A leader in his community, holding open doors and helping people across the street. And when they see him in church, one step behind Fr. O’Driscoll, they can’t help but think he looks like … someone special. Someone with a higher calling.
Maybe they're right. Mention it to Dustin and he’ll demure politely, but get to know him well enough and it’ll come out eventually: he thinks he’s been chosen for something, too. Call it ambition, call it narcissism, but he’s felt this way for as long as he can recall – a pull deep in his chest that tugs him to his window late at night. There’s something he’s supposed to do, he’s sure. Big, important. The kind of thing you lay down your life for.
When he was younger, he thought it was God calling him to the priesthood, but now that he’s a student at Finchwood Academy, he knows what it is he’s destined to do: fight Shadows.
His admission to Finchwod was, he's certain, the culmination of some greater Plan and he throws himself into training and battles with a nearly zealous fervour. But hope and faith and heartfelt idealism can blur all too quickly into a dangerous hubris, as if some part of Dustin believes he'll never really get hurt. Too young to realise that one day his knees will ache in the morning and too self-centred to understand that all 17-year-olds think they’re the chosen one.
He tries. So hard. But his strategies aren’t utilitarian. He focuses on the wrong things. Dustin can get so caught up agonising over the abstract concepts of Right and Wrong, that he makes bad choices, unkind choices, senseless choices when it actually comes time to act.
And he can be astonishingly hypocritical. He hates when his team gets injured, but happily steps in front of bullets when ducking away would be just as easy. "Take it easy at parties," he’ll tell younger students, deep into his 9th beer. There's a real disconnect between what he says and what he does, his actions and his intent.
For example, in the abstract, Dustin’s guiding belief that the people he finds hardest to befriend are the ones who need his company the most is caring, kind. In reality, though, the fact is... some people just don’t want to be around him. Maybe they’re busy or maybe they don’t like talking or maybe they just know he's a sanctimonious prick; he doesn’t think about any of those things, because he’s so determined to Be Compassionate that he forgets that true compassion requires a connection with individuals and not just generic good deeds.
Which isn't to say he doesn't care. Dustin is sympathetic to human problems. Easily moved by hardship and pain. Genuinely wants to make the world a better place. Honestly, this is a kid who thinks with his bleeding heart. The problem is... for someone who so desperately wants to be Good, he’s not really motivated by beneficence so much as non-malevolence. Don’t do wrong. Don’t even think about it. (Look! Right there! You thought about it, didn’t you? Something terrible? Dustin did, anyway, and even that quick flash through his brain is enough to make him feel sick.)
Which is why he knows (he just knows; don’t ask him to explain it) that despite the praise from all those little old ladies, actually, he’s very, very Bad. No, he hasn’t done anything; no, he doesn’t plan to. He’s just got a nebulous, but ever-present Feeling of grime where he's pretty sure the light of his soul ought to be. See, it’s not that he has scruples, it’s that he’s obsessed with scrupulosity, and while he'll never admit it, maybe that's a teeny, tiny part of while he's so reckless on the battlefield. Suffering is purifying, after all, and perhaps one day, when he’s experienced enough of it, he’ll finally stop feeling dirty all the time. “Mens sana in corpore sano,” indeed.
Frankly, it’s all arrogance. He’s neither angel nor devil, and because I am a cruel and capricious God, I can confirm that he’s nothing special at all. Just a stupid kid with the best of intentions and too many big questions, dead-set on learning every lesson the hard way.
tl;dr:
⊕: ambitious, bold, charismatic, controlled, dedicated, determined, earnest, faithful, "good," hopeful, self-sacrificing, well-intentioned
⊖: arrogant, burdened, doubting, egotistical, guilty, hypocritical, impressionable, naive, obsessive-compulsive, reckless, superficial, self-denying, self-punishing
SKILLS
Languages: Just English, really. He can understand Tagalog, but he can't really speak it. Fr. O'Driscoll taught him some ecclesiastical Latin, but obviously, that's pretty situationally limited.
Athletics: Dustin may hate running, but he does it nearly every morning regardless. Between Training and Athletics and his extracurricular fitness, it would be fair to say that he's in excellent shape. He doesn't look particularly cut, but that's just because he's not focused on aesthetics; he can swim a mile, run five, carry any of his classmates, take a good punch. Actually, the swimming he particularly enjoys, and if he had to pick a sport, that would be it.
Journalling: He writes in his every day. It's his most private possession.
Smells and bells: It's not really a skill so much as a knowledge set, but the kid has been an altar boy since he was ten, so he's pretty good at the "whole stand up, kneel, sit down, peace be with you" thing. This is also where he learned to sing, although his repertoire has definitely expanded since joining the school choir. He's never going to be a star, but he's got a soft baritone that's really not half bad.
Birdwatching: Look, leave him alone. He 's not weird about it or anything; he just likes it, and over the years, he's gotten pretty good at spotting the difference between a chickadee and a titmouse.
Surviving a rager: Gotta get his release somehow, right?
HISTORY
Family:
Mother: Rachel Espinosa, 47, certified registered nurse anesthetist (CRNA)
Father: Not in the picture.
Father figure: Fr. Padraig O'Driscoll, Our Lady of the Rosary Church.
Hometown: Boston, MA.
You wouldn't know it to look at him now but Dustin's life had something of a rocky start.
His mother, Rachel, had been struggling with substance misuse; a nurse anaesthetist by trade, just one year prior, she had been at the start of a promising career when a personal tragedy triggered what can only be described as a lapse in judgement that quickly spiralled out of hand. By the time she'd become pregnant, Rachel was unemployed (having lost her job but, miraculously, not her nursing license), living in her parents' old house, and rapidly blowing through her savings. The baby was something of a mixed blessing. On the one hand, for former "good girl" Rachel, it felt like yet another marker of how far she'd fallen. On the other... there was no doubt that this child was loved.
But despite her best intentions, she could never stay on the straight-and-narrow for long, and Dustin's early childhood was unquestionably difficult. Without support, it was hard for Rachel to improve.
Lost and alone and unbearably desperate for some sort of guiding light, Rachel and Dustin found themselves at the doorstep of the one place she was sure she'd never find help: the Catholic Church. Specifically, Our Lady of the Rosary. Rachel hadn't been to church since her teens, and she felt certain that all she'd find at her old parish was a backwards disdain for unwed mothers and yet, she'd later describe, something compelled her inside.
Things changed.
Dustin had just turned five. He was baptised a month later. His memories of these early days are blurry but even as young as he was, he can recall the weight of the moment, eyes and expectation on his back. It felt like a clear before and after — as his life became stable, so too, did it become Catholic, and his days quickly filled up with Religious Education, especially as Fr. O'Driscoll, perhaps sensing some potential in Dustin, took him under his wing.
Rachel became the archetypal success story; Dustin, her perfect, golden boy. He took to doctrine like a duck to water, delighted priests and parishioners both with his clumsy Latin — still impressive for a child — and innocent devotion. A certified Good Boy™, expected to lead by example. Meanwhile, over and over, Dustin heard how lucky he was his life had reoriented itself as it had. Wasn't he grateful? Wasn't he awed?
As a matter of fact, he was. Driven by both fear and pride, Dustin pushed himself to excel, making friends and getting good grades and volunteering in his community. But still, he couldn't shake the notion that he ought to be doing more. Attempts to remind him of his age only seemed to inflame the feeling; there were so many people who had done more, younger, and it made his failings seem all the more egregious.
His admission to Finchwood precipitated (what he sincerely believes to be) his true purpose. Now this was everything he was looking for: confirmation of his path, absolute validation of his goals. Those first few months were probably the most content he's ever felt and he sought out every opportunity to go up against Shadows, even at the start of year, when they were few and far between. It didn't matter if he was tired or busy or already black-and-blue, he'd jump to the call. Exhausting work, but who was he to walk away?
His obvious dedication helped him stand out once again, and he was rewarded with his own squad... much to the chagrin of his former friend, Atticus, who, after a year of training together, has begun to distance himself from him for reasons Dustin cannot comprehend. Oh well. It'll all sort itself out in the end, and in the meantime, he'll just keep serving his purpose as best he can.
COMBAT
ACADEMICS
Core Classes: English, Mathematics, Science, Social Studies, Training.
Elective Classes: Philosophy, Leadership.
Clubs: Athletics, Choir, Community Outreach. He also joined Drama club this year because he saw that Adam was in it, and frankly, he thinks Adam could use a few more friends.
General Performance: Dustin is a fairly strong student, although certainly not an exceptional one. It would be unusual for him to get lower than a B and his GPA probably hovers around a 3.50, but he has no interest in honors classes. His good grades are born more of obligation than any particular love of school; while he theoretically values education, right now, he has bigger fish to fry. Most of his energy goes to training, leadership, and community outreach, and those are the classes/activities he likes best. Choir is pretty fun too.
His English and philosophy classes also tend to eat up a lot of his time; it would be a stretch to say he enjoys them, but he can get incredibly caught up in the things he's reading, turning the ideas over in his brain long past assignment deadlines. He's actually quite a talented essayist and his grades in those subjects are particularly good. Math, meanwhile, is definitely not his strong suit.
OOC
Player: Cameron
Email: captainkickflips @ gmail
CDJ: gooddogs
Time Zone: GMT